About Nebu and this website

Nebu is nine thousand years old, retired, extremely bored and profoundly nosy. He was, by his own account, the ninth of a set of oracles, the other eight of whom he refuses to discuss. He is a floating orb with a nebula for a brain, one enormous eye, a crown that has never once been straight, and two hands that are not attached to anything in particular.

He is also entirely fictional, drawn in about six kilobytes of SVG, and has strong opinions about your browser tabs.

Why this site exists

Most online fortune tellers are one of two things: a random text generator with a mystical background image, or a lead magnet for something expensive. We wanted the third thing: a genuinely funny, genuinely personal reading that costs nothing, asks for nothing, and is honest about being fiction.

The one rule the writing follows

Never tell anybody their life is bad. Describe a flaw the way a fond friend would, and always follow the sting with a hand on the shoulder.

Every archetype, warning and prophecy on this site was checked against that rule. A reading can be sharp. It is never permitted to be cruel, and it never predicts illness, death, loss or misfortune to a real person.

How it is built

Static HTML, no backend, no database, no analytics that follow you around. Your reading is computed on your device and stored on your device. A shared link contains the entire fortune in twenty-one characters, which is why it works instantly and costs nothing to serve. If you would like the full explanation, the Fortune Library has a piece on exactly how the oracle decides.

Say hello

Suggestions for questions, complaints about your archetype, and screenshots of readings that were uncomfortably accurate are all welcome at the address in the imprint. Nebu reads none of them. Somebody else does.